I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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