I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
God, I missed his penis.
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