I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
