dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im just a social blackout drinker.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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