you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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