so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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