You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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