I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
