I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i now understand why vodka
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
