sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
