best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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