So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
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i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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