I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
