the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
