Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
