Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
