Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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