did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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