I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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