maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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