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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
