the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize