At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
