hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize