No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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