Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
