she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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