is your mom at the bar?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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