I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
