I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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