Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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