Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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