i think my mom watched the whole time
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
