I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
