now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
