I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
