her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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