I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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