Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
