Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
