oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize