Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
