Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
