Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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