I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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