So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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