i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
