Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
third nipple confirmed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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