I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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