Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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