AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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