Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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