I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
