I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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