Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
