rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
