i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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