Those balls look pretty dangerous.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
