drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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