She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
