that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
